My story of love and fear

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We have so many unsaid; persistent; repetitive fears lurking in our minds. When trying to find their basis they always turn out to be imaginative and baseless.

Living away from home since many years; adjusting life in hostels, room-mates, work-mates, dealing with situations that life randomly throws at us; Thought I had come a long way from being a brat that I am when at home. But still I could always sense this fear inside me. Not particularly about anything or anyone but it had become a part of me. I, at least came to the awareness that there is no reason for it but had no means of getting rid of this fear. I simply reminded myself whenever this fear crept up that it’s not real.  Right from sleeping in the room alone; walking from one room to another in the dark; I always felt these monsters chasing me. And its amusing to see that mostly everyone around is walking with the same fears; once you identify that in yourself; you can easily identify it in people around who are so nicely camouflaging it.

So I thought may be taking a trip alone to a place where no one knows me would help me face it and get rid of this imaginary baseless fears. And I landed up in Sadhana Mandir, Rishikesh. When I met my teacher here; he asked me what do you want; why are you here? I replied, “I want to be fearless.” Then few days later; a lady asked  me what did you come looking for?   I replied, “I came looking for love.”

A few days back; I was re-reading Swami Rama’s book ‘Art of Joyful living’ and he beautifully describes the relationship of Love & Fear. And it hit me hard; these are the two nouns; I had answered those questions with. And as I look back on this continuing journey; its amazing to find that that’s what the journey’s been about. I have travelled from fear into the Love. It’s very difficult to be in a place where Guru is not present in the physical form. I get disappointed again and again as the humans are so incapable of emanating that love that we expect when we are in the Guru’s home. But Yes! ofcourse this Absolute Love is not restricted to only come from the physical form of Guru. It’s always present subtly and abundantly and once the monkey mind rests; this Love is perceived and cherished all the time. Otherwise i can never have the strength to be on this path without this Love that is higher than anything that I have ever experienced.

 

Swami Rama of the Himalayas
Swami Rama of the Himalayas

“There is a way to tell how much love you have for others: sit down quietly and calmly examine your fears. The more fear you have, the less love you have. If you have less fear, the you will have more love. If you have no fear, you are able to give complete love. Your fear will tell you how much love you are capable of. So I learn to live in love and not in fear. Always be cheerful, compassionate, and giving. Let Providence work, and trust that you will receive what you need.” – Swami Rama, The Art of Joyful Living 

Sages say to Love is to give; to share. The best is to start from your own self.  When you feel you deserve your own love; can you expand and share it with others.

And now not to say that am not afraid anymore but whenever I have fear; i can muster up the courage to pick up that feeling; rip it apart to see it as nothing but only an illusion. And then simply blow it away into pieces. Well! at least some times!

 “It is inner strength that makes one fearless, and it is the fearless one who crosses the individual consciousness and becomes one with the universal consciousness. Who can kill whom? For Atman is eternal, though the body must return to dust sooner or later. This strong faith is enjoyed by the sages of different orders in the lap of the Himalayas.”

– Swami Rama