What am I doing here? Why am I here? This untiring questions knock on my mind every now and then. And they usually come when things are not really going as I want them to be. When I find myself lost in this world (that happens often). I wonder what’s the use of running around like a mad rat and where is it that we reach eventually; I guess in the very same pot hole from where we started.
Then the masters always say: Be still. Be still in your mind. But this stillness gets chaotic. When you shed the opinions of others about ‘you’ which you have identified yourself this whole life. Suddenly you become handicap because you have never learnt to walk without this support. You always identified what others have made you believe. So now you feel helpless. Because you don’t know who you are. You are a stranger to your own self. This is a dark phase. And many of us will just run away from it again to hold the crutches that others gave us.
Just hold on… hold on a little longer. Soon you’ll be comfortable in your own company; soon you’ll be your own friend.
Walking on the path of the soul is the most adventurous journey one can ever embark on. One has to shed all the notions and ideas about self that is ‘ego’ and rediscover the ‘self’ that always is.
The lines between right and wrong, good and bad, do’s and don’ts will start to get blur. May be because there were no lines in the first place. That’s why it’s said one can’t use reason and logic on this path.
So this new approach became an obstacle for me in the external world. Everything around me is swirling in the air. As the external world functions on duality. So this philosophy of the inner world doesn’t seem to apply to it. That’s where the word skill comes in. The Teacher says: “External world is a means; an instrument to attain. Learn to use it skillfully.”
But it didn’t turn out to be that simple for me.. So I decided to make my own rules; rules that comes from conscience not from mind. Let’s see what lies ahead.